How to Begin to Rebuild Your Life After Divorce & Find Purpose
After a divorce, life seems like it will be impossible for you to thrive again; but I’m here to tell you that you can learn to thrive again!
There was a time in my life when I thought life was what it would always be. I was married with a toddler and pregnant with my second child on the way. My pregnancy with my first child had been so wonderful that I said I could even be a surrogate for another family. My second pregnancy wasn’t quite as easy, but I was so excited to complete my family with my two children. I had a good job working as a therapist with children. My family was healthy, and I had a solid group of girlfriends.
I thought I was happy; then life came crashing down.
By the end of my pregnancy and right after my son was born, my marriage was quickly unraveling. To say that I was devastated felt like an understatement. I would leave for work and cry in the car on the way. Then I would cry in the car on my way home. My husband had begun sleeping on the couch in our basement, but often wasn’t home at night anyway. I went to bed alone at night feeling such an intense loneliness, and many nights, I cried myself to sleep.
Sprinkle in some momma guilt over the fact that I was consumed by thoughts of “what ifs?” and “how comes?” I couldn’t find a way to enjoy every minute with my children and I experienced such intense shame about failing as a wife, and becoming a single mother. I thought I had done everything right, and it didn’t make sense. I didn’t know how I was going to create a life by myself with my children, financially or emotionally.
During this time, I began to see my own therapist. I would sit in her office and sob. I wanted so badly to “fix” things. I wanted my husband to see what he was giving up. I wanted to understand why I hadn’t seen or believed the red flags when they came up earlier in our relationship. There were moments of anger, but mostly, I just felt defeated. My therapist helped me to work through the shame, anxiety, grief, and sadness. She helped me define the steps that I needed to take to move forward.
Two months after the birth of my son, I attended my first High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) class with a girlfriend. We had each purchased a Groupon that would allow us to attend 10 classes. After my first class, my limbs shook from the challenge, my muscles were sore, and I was hooked. For the first time in months, I felt like I could see outside of the fog and I felt strong. I also started going to the gym and using the skills that I learned in my classes. By combining my workouts and therapy, little by little, I began to feel empowered and my mental health improved.
Fast forward a couple of years. I was a single mom who was co-parenting and living a life that I had independently created. I was learning to love myself, thrive, and feel gratitude for the life that I was leading. I was working out, spending time with friends who supported and loved me, continuing to work on knowing my value, and my anxiety had significantly decreased. Things weren’t always easy, but I felt good.
That’s when I met my now husband.
He was incredibly aligned with my goals and encouraged me. For years, I had said that I wanted other people to experience what I had to grow and improve their lives. With the support of my husband, I got my certification as a personal trainer and began building my business.
Now, I get to help people find their own strength through the knowledge that all of our health and wellbeing are interconnected.
Each little thing that we do matters and it all adds up to allow us to thrive.
Whether it is going to therapy, working with a coach, doing yoga, working out, meditating, eating healthy, consuming positive messages, or a variety of other things, when we combine these things, it brings us a little closer to our goal of being healthy and happy.
So, here’s my challenge to you: Take five minutes today to do something that fills your soul. That thing may involve social connections, movement, or stillness. Just set a timer on your phone and take the leap to take your first step toward the life you desire. If you are going through something hard, please know that it won’t be hard forever.
You too will thrive again.
This post was written by guest blogger, Emily Garcia, LCSW. Emily is a mental health therapist and the founder of Tribe Mind Body Wellness in Arvada and Lakewood, Colorado.